I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize