i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
