so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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