Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
