Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
