we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
All the doctor said was why
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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