Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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