I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
this beer tastes like vomit already
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
