is your mom at the bar?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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