Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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