I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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