I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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