just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
