Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
