I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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