My hand turned me down
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
