if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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