So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
