Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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