JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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