i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize