i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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