You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
