Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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