She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize