sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
