I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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