Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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