Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
