Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
