Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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