Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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