just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
