Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
