hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
