are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
