My hand turned me down
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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