remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
