You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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