their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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