i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
