I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
