We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
