Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
