so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
