Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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