I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
