Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
