Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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