My pussy is not your playground.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
