my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
