in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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