Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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