she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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