I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
