I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
