Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
