so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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