I puked a lego.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize