Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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