Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
