So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
