please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
