I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
