just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize