Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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