She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
