I smell stomach acid.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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