you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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