I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
