honey bunches of taint.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
