i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
