So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
