so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
