My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize