first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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