I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we're making bets on your personal life
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
