come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
