I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So much rum. So many feels.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
