Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
