Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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