Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
what the fuck happened to the tacos
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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