he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
