I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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