So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
