omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
