You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
