I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You made out with two different species that night
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
