apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
